藍星鬼魅
《孔雀東南飛》（英文搞笑話劇） Source: 2007-03-30 12:03:58 恒星英語學(xué)習(xí)網(wǎng) Favorite Wanderseveryfivemiles 焦仲卿Johnny(Jforshort)劉蘭芝Lunch(Lforshort) 焦母Johnny’smother(JMforshort)劉母Lunch’smother(LMforshort) 太守之子Mayor’sson(MSforshort)強盜Burglars(ABandC) Prologue (J作被打狀跑上臺,內(nèi)砸出一卷紙筒,J被打中,狼狽不堪) J:EverybodysaysthatI’mhenpecked,butinfact,I’masstrongasatiger,(小聲)whilemy wifeisWuSong. (指著上臺處的門大聲道)I’mnotafraidofyou! (內(nèi)砸出一臉盆,J接住當(dāng)成盾牌護著頭)Then,I’mafraidofwhom? MywifeLunchisthemostfamouswomanintheneighbor-hood.Sheisbraverthanme, smarterthanmeandstrongerthanme.AllthisIdonotcare.Ionlywanthertobetender thanme.Butsheisnot!Havingawifelikethisisjustlikelivinginthehell! (內(nèi)又砸出一卷紙筒,擊中J) MyGod!Whocanhelpme?(下) Act1 (序幕結(jié)束時,JM作竊聽狀) JM(拄拐棍上):Ican! (對門內(nèi))Lunch!Lunch!Whereareyou? L(扎著圍裙,拿著鍋鏟,從門內(nèi)跳出來):I’mhere!What’supmum? JM:I’vetoldyouagainandagainthatyoushouldcallme“mymostbeautifulgracefuland dearestmother-in-law”. L:OK.Mymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother-in-law,what’sup? JM:Sinceyoumarriedmysonyouhavebehavedsobadly.Youhavebeensorude,sobrusque,so lazy…… L:But…… JM:Neverinterruptme! L:Neverinterruptme!SinceImarriedyourson,thatterribleJohnny,Ihavebeenworkinghardall daylong,cookingandwashing.Ihaveraisedtensofthousandsofpigsandducksandchicken and…… JM:Butallthoseyouhavedonearenotasvaluableasagrandson! L(生氣地揮動著鍋鏟):Oh,youwantagrandson,don’tyou?(開始解圍裙)Goandaskyour son.I’mleaving!(扯下圍裙,扔在JM的臉上,下) Act2 (LM坐在臺上打毛線,L拿著鍋鏟上) L:Mum,I’mback! LM:Youareback?Why?Whathappened? L:Iwaskickedoutbymymostbeautifulgracefulanddearestmother–in-law. LM(驚訝,但隨即露出幸災(zāi)樂禍的神情):See!Ihavealreadytoldyou!Whenyouinsistedon marryingthatterribleJohnny,Itoldyouthatheisuglystupidandpoor,butyoudidnotlisten tome.Lookatyourself…… L:But,mum…… LM:Neverinterruptme! L:Mum,I’mnotinterruptingyou.IjustwanttotellyouthatyouarealwaysrightOK?And I’llmarrywhomeveryouwantmeto. LM(大喜):Nicegirl!Justnow,Imetthemayor’ssoninthemarket.Hesaid:“Ifyoudaughter Haven’tbeenmarried,Ireallyreallywanttomarryher!”Nowyouarefreeagain,I’llgo andtellhim.(下) L(驚愕):What?Themayor’sson?Themostfamousplayboyintheneighbor-hood?(手中的鍋 鏟掉在地上)WhatasillythingIhavedone!(下) Act3 (J睡眼惺忪上) J(邊走邊道):Lunch!Lunch!Wherearemysocks? (走了幾步,在地上撿起襪子)Heretheyare!(聞一下) Er!Howsmelly!Theyarestilldirty! (突然想起)Lunchhasgone!Ihavetowashthemmyself. (他的肚子似乎咕咕叫了起來)Oh,I’msohungry!Butthere’snobreakfast!(撿起地上的圍 裙)ThisiswhatLunchalwayswears!Imisshersomuch,andherexcellentcookingskill!Now shehasgone.Ihavetocookformymotherandmyself. JM(上):Where’smybreakfast?Where’sLunch?Hasn’tshegotupyet? J:Mum,can’tyouremember?Lunchhasgone! JM(沉吟片刻):Well,totellyouthetruthJohnny,asonwithoutawifeisuseless.Lunchisanice girl,goandtakeherback! J(立正敬禮):Yesmadam! Act4 (J開心地走著，忽然跳出來三個強盜) A:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! Theroadisbuiltbyme!(抬腳重重地踩在一塊大石頭上) B:AndIplantedonetree!(亦抬腳踩在同一塊石頭上) C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet---(欲踩石頭，但踩到了A的腳) AB&C:Giveusallyourmoney! J(搜遍了每一個口袋，掏出1角硬幣):Is1maoenough? (三強盜暈倒?fàn)?，接著三人聚在一邊商? A:Whatbadluck!Thisguyisbroken! B:Ifwecannotrobanymoneytoday,wewillhavenothingtoeattonight! C:Iheardthatthemayor’ssonisgoingtomarryMissLiuLanzhinextmonth.WEcangoand robthewedding! A&B:Goodidea! J(驚訝):What?What?Lunchisgoingtogetmarried?It’simpossible! AB&C:Why?Aprettygirlandarichman,whatagoodcouple! J:ButLunchismywife!Wehaven’tgotdivorcedyet! (突然有了主意)I’vegotanidea!Youaregoingtorobthewedding,don’tyou?I’llgo withyou.YoutakethemoneyandItakethebride. B:Haveyougotanyexperience? J:No.ButI’vegotthis!(J脫下鞋子從里面摸出一張支票，上書＄1，000，000) Act5 (轉(zhuǎn)眼已到了婚禮之期．MS意氣風(fēng)發(fā)用紅綢牽著新娘上，J蓋著紅蓋頭極不情愿地被拉上臺) (J和三強盜躍至臺中) ABC&J:Heyyou!Stopandlistentous! A:Theroadisbuiltbyme! B:AndIplantedonetree. C:Ifyouwanttogobythisstreet--- J:Giveusallyourmoney! (L聽到J的聲音，掀起了蓋頭) L(驚喜萬分):Johnny!(不顧一切地飛奔到J的身邊并躲到了的身后) (MS大怒，揮拳向J打來．J矮身一躲，MS打中了J身后的L，L暈倒) J(火冒三丈):Howdareyoubeatmywife!（揮拳向MS沖去） (J與MS混戰(zhàn)，JM上，以拐杖擊暈MS) (J將MS胸前的新郎標(biāo)志扯下戴在自己胸前) J(扶起L，關(guān)切地問):Honey,howareyou? L(哭狀):Ihurtalot! J:Don’tcrybaby.I’llgoandfetchthemedicine. (下) L(起身去追):Waitforme! (跑下) (音樂起 CanYouCelebrate)
乖乖米飛
SW-白雪公主 Q-皇后 M-魔鏡 H-獵人P-白馬王子 D-小矮人 音樂起，旁白A long time ago, In a beautiful kingdom, there lived a young king and queen, the people loved them so much; the queen died while giving birth to a girl, her name was Snow White, She was a beautiful princess. Year passed, the king got married again, The people didn’t love the new queen, because she was cruel. One day, In the king’s palace: ----白雪出場S.w: My name is Snow white , I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother ? Where is my mother ?音樂起，皇后、魔鏡出場Q: I am a queen , I’m very beautiful , Where is Mirror ? Mirror , Mirror on the wall , who’s the most beautiful ?M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you !Q: Hunter, go kill Snow white .獵 人 出 場H: Yes, my queen音樂起，獵人追趕白雪，公主驚慌出逃S.w: Help me ,help me, please, please !白雪順利脫逃后S.w: I am tried and hungry, oh, there is a little house , I will eat a little and lie down.音樂起，7個小矮人出場，D: 1\Look, somebody ate my food----2\Somebody drank my water----3\Someone is sleeping now----4\What a beautiful girl!----小矮人睡覺----音樂起公主先醒了----小矮人醒了----對話5\How do you do?S.w: How do you do? My name is Snow white … Nice to meet you!D:（齊說）Nice to meet you ,too----6\ welcome to our house!----7\Would you like to live here?S.W: My pleasure, thank you very much!D: Let’s go out for our work, bye-bye, Snow white.皇后、魔鏡出場Q: Mirror, mirror on the wall , who’s the most beautiful?M: Snow white is much more beautiful than you!Q: What ? Snow white is not dead ? Hahaha, I got a good idea!音樂起，皇后扮演老太太出場，對話Q: Apple ,apple, beautiful apple,S.w: Hello, Good morning grandma!Q: pretty girl ,would you like a bite?S.w: Oh, yes ,thank you grandma!白雪公主咬一口后倒地Q: The girl is dead! Hahaha…小矮人出場、圍著公主哭Snow white wake up, wake up…音樂起，小矮人引著王子出場P: A beautiful girl! She shall be my queen!王子喚醒公主，公主醒了P：Wake up ! Wake up , my queen !S.w: Thank you for your help !P: My pleasure !音樂起，小矮人、公主、王子跳起歡快的舞。
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