那一年里
A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for two weeks for $15 bucks?" or...Once upon a time two brothers who lived on adjoining farms fell into conflict. It was the first serious rift in 40 years of farming side by side, sharing machinery, and trading labor and goods as needed without a hitch. Then the long collaboration fell apart. It began with a small misunderstanding and it grew into a major difference, and finally it exploded into an exchange of bitter words followed by weeks of silence. One morning there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a few days work" he said. "Perhaps you would have a few small jobs here and there I could help with? Could I help you?" "Yes," said the older brother. "I do have a job for you. Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, in fact, it's my younger brother. Last week there was a meadow between us and he took his bulldozer to the river levee and now there is a creek between us. Well, he may have done this to spite me, but I'll go him one better. See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to build me a fence - - an 8-foot fence -- so I won't need to see his place or his face anymore." The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post hole digger and I'll be able to do a job that pleases you." The older brother had to go to town, so he helped the carpenter get the materials ready and then he was off for the day. The carpenter worked hard all that day measuring, sawing, nailing, and hammering. About sunset when the farmer returned, the carpenter had just finished his job. The farmer's eyes opened wide, his jaw dropped. There was no fence there at all. It was a bridge -- a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other! A fine piece of work handrails and all -- and the neighbor, his younger brother, was coming across, his hand outstretched. "You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done." The two brothers stood at each end of the bridge, and then they met in the middle, taking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoist his toolbox on his shoulder. "No, wait! Stay a few days. I've a lot of other projects for you," said the older brother. "I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have many more bridges to build."
花花的老媽
Big Head“All the kids make fun of me”the boy cried to his mother.“They say I have a big head”“Don't listen to them.”his mother comforted him.“You have a beautiful head .Now stop crying and go to the store for ten pounds of potatoes”“Where's the shopping bag?”“I haven't got one,use your hat.”大腦袋“所有的孩子都拿我開玩笑，”小男孩哭著跟媽媽說：“他們說我長了一個大腦袋?！薄皠e聽他們的，”他媽媽安慰說：“你的腦袋長得很漂亮。好了，別哭了，去商店買10磅土豆來?！薄百徫锎谀?？”“我沒有購物袋，就用你的帽子吧?！?Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。 “昨天給你的錢干什么了？” “我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答說。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地說。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什么對那位老太太那么感興趣呢？” “她是個賣糖果的?！?Where is the father? Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings. "Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!" "Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?" The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures." 父親在哪兒？ 兄弟倆在看一些漂亮的油畫。 “看，”哥哥說，“這些畫多漂亮呀！” “是啊，”弟弟說道，“可是在所有這些畫中，只有媽媽和孩子。那爸爸去哪兒了呢？” 哥哥想了會兒，然后解釋道：“很明顯，他當(dāng)時正在畫這些畫唄。”
櫻子2200
英語 故事 會出現(xiàn)學(xué)生認(rèn)識或是不認(rèn)識的單詞，而這個單詞的重復(fù)不斷出現(xiàn)，會加深同學(xué)們對單詞的記憶。這種記憶不是死記硬背，而是在潛移默化中，讓學(xué)生記住。這次我給大家整理了英語幽默小故事，供大家閱讀參考。
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英語幽默小故事1
Don't Pick Up the Money on the Ground
An economist professor and a student are walking down the street when they see a $20 bill lying on the sidewalk in front of them. The student goes to pick up the money but his professor stops him and tells him not to bother.
Why not?
If it were a real twenty-dollar bill, someone would have picked it up? already.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
別撿地上的錢
一位經(jīng)濟學(xué)教授和一名學(xué)生正在大街上行走，這時他們看到前面的人行道上躺著一張20美元面值的鈔票。學(xué)生走過去準(zhǔn)備撿，教授制止了他，告訴他別自尋煩惱。
“為什么不撿?”
“假如那是一張真20美元鈔票的話，早就有人撿走了?！?/p>
“該發(fā)明的都已經(jīng)被發(fā)明出來了?！?/p>
英語幽默小故事2
The Less You Know, the More Money You Make
Theorem: Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives.
Now a rigorous mathematical proof that explains why this is true:
Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.
Postulate 2: Time is Money.
As every engineer knows, Power=Work/Time. Since Knowledge=Power, and Time=Money, we have
Knowledge=Work/Money. Solving for Money, we get: Money=Work/Knowledge.
Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done.
Conclusion: The less you know, the more money you make.
知識越少掙錢越多
定理：工程師和科學(xué)家永遠(yuǎn)應(yīng)當(dāng)比經(jīng)濟專家掙錢少。
下面是對該定理的一個嚴(yán)格的數(shù)學(xué)證明：
假設(shè)一：知識就是力量(Power)。
假設(shè)二：時間就是金錢。
每個工程師都知道：功率(Power)= 。既然知識=力量，時間=金錢，我們有：知識= 。求解金錢表達(dá)式，我們得到：金錢= 。
因此，當(dāng)知識趨于零時，無論你做了多少功，金錢趨于無窮大。
結(jié)論：知識越少，你掙得的金錢就越多。
英語幽默小故事3
They Should Be Playing at Night
A therapist, a priest and an economist go golfing. The group ahead of them is extremely slow, leading to? some frustration among the three. Their complaints are overheard, and a man from the group ahead walks over? to them. He introduces himself as an aide because the group of golfers he is with is blind! The aide thanks the three in appreciation for? their patience for the blind golfers. The priest goes, "Oh no, all my life I've preached for all to be better to my fellow man and here I am complaining about? the blind!" The therapist says, "I've been trained my whole life to help others and here I am complaining about the blind, shame on? me!" The economist says, "Oh no! They should be playing at night."
他們本該在晚上打球
神父、心理學(xué)家和經(jīng)濟學(xué)家三人結(jié)伴打高爾夫。前面的一組打球進(jìn)度極其緩慢，這讓三人大為惱火。他們開始抱怨，前面那組中的一人聽到抱怨聲后朝他們走了過來。他 自我介紹 說是前面那組球手們的助手，因為那組球手都是盲人。助手感謝他們?nèi)荒托牡却?。神父聽后忙說：“哦，不會吧?我一輩子都在祈禱同胞們過上更美好的生活，而我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人!”心理學(xué)家也趕緊說：“我一生的信條是幫助別人，可是我卻在這里抱怨這些盲人，我真慚愧!”這時只聽經(jīng)濟學(xué)家說：“哦，別這樣!他們本該在晚上打球的?！?/p>
英語幽默小故事4
A fellow pilot flying over the Midwest heard an air-traffic controller trying to contact an airliner for normal frequency change.“Flight 354，“said the controller，"contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.“The request was repeated several times with no reply from the pilot.Finally，in exasperation the controller raised his voice."Flight 354，Simon says contact Kansas City Center on frequency 135.5.”The call was acknowledged with an emharrassed reply and prompt compliance.
一名飛行員在中西部上空聽到地面指揮塔的指揮員在呼叫一民航調(diào)整其正常接收頻率。"354航班，”指揮塔在呼叫，“請與堪薩斯市中心135.5頻率聯(lián)系?！边@一指令重復(fù)了幾次之后，竟沒得到任何回音。最后，指揮塔的指揮員顯然是被激怒了，他大聲地銳:"354航班，西蒙說速與135. 5預(yù)率聯(lián)系?！边@一聲顯然奏效，只聽對方慌忙地做了回答并迅速服從了指揮?！?/p>
英語幽默小故事5
Even My Driver Can Answer that Question
A famous game theorist, having won the Clark prize, was set to give a series of lectures at prestigious universities throughout the northeast. For the task, he hired a car and driver to take him from place to place . With nothing else to do, the driver would sit in on? the highly technical lectures. After several lectures, the driver commented to the economist, "You know, I've heard your lecture so much that I think I could deliver it myself." The economist found this idea intriguing and decided to switch places with him at his next lecture.
The driver gave the talk flawlessly. However, after the lecture, some one in the audience asked him a rather technical question that the driver had no idea how to even begin to answer. The driver considered it for a moment, and then replied, "That question is so easy, even my driver can answer it."
甚至我的司機都能回答那個問題
一位著名的博弈論專家一獲得克拉克獎便開始在東北部各個知名大學(xué)展開一系列講座。為了完成這項任務(wù)，他租了一輛車并雇了一名司機載著他到處趕場。沒有別的事可做的司機就坐在課堂里聽專家那科技含量頗高的講座。幾場講座下來，司機對這位經(jīng)濟學(xué)家說：“我聽了這么多次你的講座，我覺得我自己也能講了?！苯?jīng)濟學(xué)家覺得這個想法很有趣，于是決定下次作講座時他們兩個互換位置。
司機完美無瑕地完成了演講?？墒钱?dāng)講座結(jié)束后，聽眾中有人問了他一個技術(shù)含量相當(dāng)高的問題，他不知如何開口回答。司機沉思了一會，回答道：“這個問題太簡單了，連我的司機都能回答?！?/p>
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