英語話劇劇本：搞笑英語話?。喝θ龂?（7個人表演）開場介紹： Ladies and gentlemen,let me introduct the actor. The first is zhaoyun,he is the most actor tonight.and his black brother zhangfei ,and there boss liubei .don't forgot the other side Mr cao,and his adviser JiangGan,and the most strong XiaHou Dun.At last,don't forget who behind the scenes ME----the Director. 第一幕：人物，趙云 夏侯惇 曹操 蔣干旁白：就在剛才不久，一個黑大漢從曹操軍中救出劉備之子劉阿斗，現(xiàn)在正向這里殺過來，他就是張飛?。。。ㄚw云出場）Not too long ago,a black general saved the son of LiuBei ,Liu A dou.now,he is coming. His name is Zhangfei. 趙云：no！本人姓趙名云，乃常山子龍也！ no! my family name is zhao my middle name is yun and my given name is zilong ~ （趙云從背后拿出一坨布，代表阿斗） 趙云：看！這就是主公的最后一點骨血！劉阿斗！我從火場之中把他救出，而我自己的臉卻早已……唉……化作焦炭?。櫽白詰z狀）look! this is the last blood of the boss ! liu e dou . i took him out from the fire ,but my face hane already ...ai ~. （夏侯敦挺著槍呈貓腰狀殺出） 夏侯敦：小賊，莫跑，要不然我就大開殺戒了（沖到） Children， stop there or i will kill you （趙云左手抱阿斗，右手與之搏斗） 趙云：可惡！居然敢偷襲我！fuck,!! you bitch dare to attack me ?? （二人裝腔作勢打斗數(shù)招） 趙云：看我九陰白骨爪?。top!! wait!!! one two three... nine dark white bone fingers!! 夏侯敦：唔?。ǖ沟兀?oh my gad i'm over 趙云：此地不宜久留，還是快去尋主公?。ㄏ拢﹜eah~ bitch i will go to look for my boss , goodbye~ （曹操、蔣干二人上） 曹操：沒想到我們初次出兵便殺得敵人望風而逃！真可謂出師未捷身先死。長使英雄淚滿襟！ I didn't expect that we can beat the enemy with our first attack.It reminds me of a poem, "Dead Before the Ship Even Sank. Long the hero Tearful" 蔣干：丞相，您說這話，真不見得怎么吉利。 Prime minister,It does not sound good about what you have said; （曹操險些被地上的夏侯敦絆倒） 曹操：咦？這是誰扔的西瓜皮？（轉(zhuǎn)身，看見倒在地上的夏侯敦）Huh? Who threw the banana rind? 曹操：是夏侯愛卿。難道他又在搞什么行為藝術(shù)？？Do not Xiahou Dun?Is he engaged in what is called performance art? （蔣干上前將夏侯敦一頓拍打，二人站起） 曹操：夏侯愛卿為何要在地上裝西瓜皮？？Why do you want to install banana rind on the ground? 夏侯敦：有一人臉如黑炭 手抱孩子there is a very black people witha baby in his band 蔣干：是敵人的保姆！還帶個孩子?。。t Is enemy's maid with a child in his arm. 曹操：那你呢？What did you do? 夏侯敦：i i i…… i rushed to him and fight with him i'mfightting fightting fightting我 我…… 我沖上去與之打斗 打 打 打 曹操：然后呢？What then? 蔣干：丞相，看來是夏侯將軍殺退了敵人！ Prime minister, it is likely that general Xiahou has defeated the enemy 夏侯敦：唔唔！（手勢如下：指指門外，右手作“九”的樣子，隨即作全身發(fā)冷狀，然后指向自己的衣服，再指向曹操，作爪擊狀） 曹操：然后呢？ Then what happened? 夏侯敦：no no no I was defeated he used the nine cloud white bone finger ,it's so terrible （曹操、蔣干二人將夏侯敦拉起） 曹操：如此看來，敵人應該還沒有走遠。咱們乘勝追擊！（慷慨狀）It seems that the enemy should not go far. Let's run after them. 蔣干：有時候我真的很佩服丞相您這樂觀的心理……（贊同狀） Sometimes I really admires prime minister very much about your optimistic psychology ...... 夏侯敦：唔！唔唔唔~?。⊕嗥饍扇?，作欲與敵人搏斗狀）（三人下）第二幕:人物：劉備 張飛 諸葛亮 趙云（劉備、張飛、諸葛亮三人上）旁白：這是的劉備一行人正在軍營外觀看敵情~~~LiuBei and his team are looking something out of his military camp.、（諸葛亮走在前面，張飛、劉備二人緊跟其后） 諸葛亮：（轉(zhuǎn)頭）主公啊，按理說是您走先啦！（恭敬狀）old liu ah,you should walk in front of us! Is not it?劉備：不啦，軍師您身后有好大塊蔭涼，躲在這里避避暑也不錯。No，it's very cool that I stand just behind you，I can avoid summer heat 諸葛亮：（眺望狀）主公，如果我所料不錯，現(xiàn)在馬上就要下雨了！liu ah,come here! I tell you a secret! I think it is about to rain! 劉備：先生神算！人所不及！不知先生如何知道將要下雨？great prediction！No one can compare with you！just wonder how do you know it's going to rain？ 諸葛亮：首先，天氣預報說今天有雨；其次，（以手指前方）看天，那邊有一塊黑云來了！First,the weather report told us it is going to rain today;second,look at the sky,so many dark clouds are coming! （趙云上） 張飛：哇！那就是子龍啊，想不到這一會不見子龍就換了個新桌面?。a! That is person who called long ah, I could not believe that you have changd a new tabletop without a minute! （張飛迎上） 張飛：子龍！ long 趙云：翼德救我！ help!!! brother three. （張飛下） 趙云：主公！云殊死力戰(zhàn)，方保得小主人在此！只是這許久不見啼哭，怕是已經(jīng)……（悲憤狀，取出布包，打開并捧著） boss, i have trid my best to protect the little boss. but it have a long time to hear nothing. i am afraid... 趙云：kao！這小沒良心的，居然還能睡的著！就跟他爹一樣！！ oh ~ shit.how can the son of bitch get in asleep.just like his father 劉備：咳咳！（趙云轉(zhuǎn)身面向劉備） 諸葛亮：子龍，不是我說你，你嘴上就是少個把門兒的，總不能啥實話都往外說?。?？Zilong,not I tell you, although it is true,you should not say it out!（劉備怒視諸葛亮，諸葛亮恍如不知，趙云上前，將阿斗遞給劉備，劉備捧著阿斗） 劉備：為了你這倒楣孩子，幾乎損我一員大將??！我還留著你趕什么啊，我摔死你吧??！because of you，I almost lose a brave general！Why do I keep you alive，let me kill you?。。ò⒍匪は拢ㄚw云上前，對準阿斗狂踹數(shù)腳，諸葛亮上前拉住，趙云始終作勢欲踢，諸葛亮用身體壓住趙云后，走上前去一腳將阿斗踢飛） 旁白：從今以后，阿斗的智力便出現(xiàn)了明顯的發(fā)育遲緩……This is why liu a dou is so foolish that lost his country. 趙云：咦？怎么不見關(guān)二哥呢？ yi ~~ where is brothe two GuanYu? 劉備：二弟昨天為軍師擺下一個八卦陣去，不過在沖出去撞馬的時候閃著腰了，現(xiàn)在還在休養(yǎng)呢?。篐e layout the BaGuaZhen for military adviser yesterday, but when he rushed out , he get his waist twisted, now he stay in bed. 諸葛亮：哎，太糟糕了，看我，多健康，多健壯！告訴他，多喝三鹿奶粉?。ㄗ詰贍睿h,It is so bad! Look at me,so healthy,so strong!tell him to drink more sanlu milk powder! 趙云：就給這孩子喝成這樣兒了?。。。ㄗ呱锨?，撫摸諸葛亮，做憐惜狀） so you drink to be a foolish? 曹操（在臺下）：啊~！?。。☉K烈地）劉備：難道三弟又重操舊業(yè)了？咱們快去看看！Did zhangfei return to one's former career ？Go to see what happen?（三人下）第三幕： 人物 張飛 曹操 夏侯 蔣干 劉備 諸葛亮旁白：時間撥回到三分鐘之前，張飛大戰(zhàn)長坂坡……Go back to three minutes before the time set aside，zhangfei fight with caocao's army on changbanpo （張飛上，在臺上轉(zhuǎn)一圈后，如京劇拿柱般亮相，定格） 曹操和蔣干：嘿嘿嘿嘿?。樾χ校? 夏侯敦：唔唔唔唔……（奸笑中） （三人奸笑上臺）代寫劇本 張飛：哇！火腿腸你回來拉?。? Wa!You, The hot dog, come back ! 夏侯敦：我靠，又一個黑人，黑人都是很牛x的，我怕了。。。 black man come again ， Blacks are very powerful，i'm afaid 曹操：閣下是何人，何以竟有如此美妙的聲音！Excuse me. May I know your name? What a wonderful voice you have! 張飛：我便是那燕（yān）人張翼德?。ㄒа溃㊣ am Zhang Yide from jingdu! (clenches teeth) 曹操：閹人？？原來只是一個太監(jiān)……夏侯敦，上去解決他！You are the so called coward,aren't you?xiahou,beat it! （夏侯敦低頭貓腰沖出） 夏侯敦：唔！唔~唔！ （二人打在一起）（定格）蔣干：丞相，這一仗咱們必輸，一會還有橋斷水倒流呢！快叫夏侯將軍下來吧。 Prime minister, we must have lose this Campaign , the bridge will also cut off the water soon!Let's call Xiahou general to get down quickly曹操：你怎么知道？How dou you know it? 蔣干：《真三國無雙叁》，長坂的任務啊?。?"Really,it is the game's duty of Three countries Unparalleled Three"!! 曹操：干啊，我看你是太沉迷于網(wǎng)絡游戲了。這樣既浪費時間又上海身體，你還是聽為丞相的一句話吧！珍愛生命，遠離三俗??！I think you are too addicted to online games. What a waste of time, and It's harmful,listen to me ,You must take good care of yourself. （張飛與夏侯敦二人繼續(xù)，張飛一槍擊中夏侯敦） 夏侯敦：oh my gad i am over again又被打敗了 （蔣干上前將夏侯敦拖回） 曹操：唉，如今這世道變了，太監(jiān)都這么厲害啦??？Why does that coward become so brave?張飛：曹賊聽著！今日汝等必不能生過此橋！ cao ,stops talking! Today you all can't pass this bridge with a live one! 曹操：汝休得猖狂！今日要不是我手下典韋身死，許諸拉稀，于禁肺炎，李典麻疹，文聘肝癌，張遼痔瘡，才不會輸給你！shut up!If general dianwei was still alive,We would not be defeated! 張飛：你手下終究無人可用！啊，面對此景次請，我真想賦詩一首——Nobody may go to battle for you ,Facing this scenery,i really want to sing a song.er, on ......On ......（音樂起）only you ~~~~~only……you…… （夏侯敦躍起） 夏侯敦：唔唔唔……（以手捂耳，跑下） 曹操：?。。☉K厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳） 蔣干：啊?。☉K厲的叫聲，并以手捂耳） 曹操：這難道就是傳說中的門得爾松的c大調(diào)《鬼叫》協(xié)奏曲！何以如此震撼?。@惶狀）Why is this so shocking!蔣干：（一手指張飛）快看！丞相！橋斷了！水也開始倒流啦?。。ㄞD(zhuǎn)過身去，以手捂耳） Look, Prime minister! The bridge broke! The water also starts to flow backwards（音效：山崩地裂之聲） 曹操：aaaaaaaaaa（痛苦吐血狀）（定格） （諸葛亮、劉備、趙云三人上）諸葛亮：別唱啦！再唱下去就把曹操給唱死啦！Do not sing more,ok?if you go on singing,CaoCao will die because of your song!劉備：三弟快打?。。。ㄒ允治娑㏒top,stop?。。ㄒ允治娑? 張飛：only you ~~~~~only……you……（余音不絕） 劉備：子龍，快把三弟扛回去。Zilong，carry zhangfei back quickly。 趙云：好的！ ok （趙云上前，以手捂住張飛的嘴，扛走，張飛依舊唱個不停） （張飛、趙云二人下）旁白：從此以后有一首歌傳唱至今 經(jīng)久不衰，叫做：only you~~~~ since then, a song become very very famous.The name is《Only You》.(歌聲再次響起，眾人謝幕~~)。