妖精1208
簡(jiǎn)短的英語笑話（精選12篇）
英語笑話作為一種城市化的民間口頭創(chuàng)作體裁，是一種重要的交際手段。下面是我為大家收集的簡(jiǎn)短的英語笑話（精選12篇），希望對(duì)大家有幫助！
These Are My Jeans!
After going on a diet，a woman felt really good about herself----especially when she was able to fit into a pair of jeans she had outgrown long ago.
“Look，look.” she shouted while running downstairs to show her husband.“I can wear my old jeans again.”
Her husband looked at her for a long time，when said，“Honey，I love you，but these are my jeans.”
那是我的褲子!
一個(gè)婦女在減肥一段時(shí)間后自我感覺特別好——特別是當(dāng)她又能穿上很早以前就穿不上的牛仔褲時(shí)。她跑下樓沖她丈夫喊道：“快看，快看。我又能穿上以前的褲子了。”她丈夫看了她好一會(huì)兒，然后說：“親愛的，我愛你。但那是我的褲子?！?/p>
The mean mans party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "Youre not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝嗇鬼請(qǐng)客。
一個(gè)出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請(qǐng)一次客了。他在向一個(gè)朋友解釋怎么找到他家時(shí)說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個(gè)門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開?！?/p>
“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？”
“你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會(huì)空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。
All I do is pay.
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war, and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your position?"
"Im the people. All I do is pay."
我要做的一切就是付錢。
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡(jiǎn)直就象一個(gè)國(guó)家一樣。我妻子是財(cái)政部長(zhǎng)。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長(zhǎng)，我女兒是外交秘書?！?/p>
“聽上去挺有意思的'，”他的同事說，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢？”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢?！?/p>
one day after school the teacher said to his students, "tomorrow morning, if any one of you can answer my first question, i will permit him or her to go home earlier."
一天，放學(xué)以后，老師對(duì)他的學(xué)生們說：“明天上午，如果你們當(dāng)中的任何一個(gè)同學(xué)能首先回答我的問題，我就準(zhǔn)許他或她最先回家?！?/p>
the next day, when the teacher came into the classroom, he found the blackboard daubed(涂抹) . he was very angry and asked, "who did it? please stand up!" "its me," said bob, "now, i can go home. good-bye, sir."
第二天，老師走進(jìn)教室時(shí)發(fā)現(xiàn)黑板被涂得亂七八糟，他非常生氣的問：“誰涂的？請(qǐng)站起來！”鮑勃說：“先生，是我，現(xiàn)在我可以回家了，再見！”
before the final examination, tom told his mother, "mom, i had a dream last night that id passed todays exam."
在期末考試之前，湯姆告訴他的母親：“媽媽，我昨天晚上做了一個(gè)夢(mèng)，夢(mèng)見我通過了今天的考試。”
"dont trust dreams, dear. it is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." mother replied.
“不要相信夢(mèng)，親愛的。據(jù)說夢(mèng)中的經(jīng)歷通常與現(xiàn)實(shí)相反?！眿寢尨鸬?。
"then i do hope ill fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," tom said.
“那么，我真希望在今晚的夢(mèng)中，我的其他功課都不及格?！睖氛f。
Saving lives.
At a pre-med university in St. Louis, we had to take a difficult class in physics. One day the professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A student rudely interrupted to ask, "Why do we have to learn this stuff?"
"To save lives." The professor responded quickly and continued the lecture.
A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?" he persisted.
"It usually keeps the idiots like you out of medical school," replied the professor.
The mourners pain.
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.
The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?”
The first man approached him and said, “Sir, I dont wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than Ive ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?”
The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, “My wifes first husband.”
Black eyes.
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.
The man replied, “On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye.”
The boss asked, “Okay, so where did you get the other shiner?”
“Well,” the man said, “I figured she didn’t want it out, so I pushed it back in.”
Why should I give you money.
A very rich lawyer is approached by the United Way. The man from the United Way is concerned that the lawyer made over $1,000,000.00 last year but didnt donate even a cent to a charity.
"First of all", says the lawyer, "my mother is sick and dying in the hospital, and its not covered by healthcare. Second, I had five kids through three divorced marriages. Third, my sisters husband suddenly died and she has no one to support her four children..."
"Im terribly sorry", says the United Way man, "I feel bad about asking for money."
The Lawyer responds, "Yeah, well if Im not giving them any money, why should I give you any?"
The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate.
The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy.
由于客人在吃蘋果餡餅時(shí)，家里沒有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。這家的小男孩悄悄地離開了屋子。過了一會(huì)兒，他拿著一片奶酪回到房間，把奶酪放在客人的盤子里。
客人微笑著把奶酪放進(jìn)嘴里說：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你媽媽的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？”“在捕鼠夾上，先生?！蹦切∧泻⒄f。
One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didnt write address and addressees name on the envelope.
After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"
"Certainly."
"You didnt notice that?the envelope does not have address and addressees name on it?"
"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."
"Then why?didnt you take it back?"
"I thought that you?did not write address and addressee, because you wouldnt let me know to whom you send the letter!"
The New Teacher.
George comes from school on the first of September.
"George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother.
"I didnt like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....."
最幸福的米蟲
簡(jiǎn)短英語笑話9篇
假如你是一個(gè)性格內(nèi)向的人，那你就來看英語笑話吧，時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了，你就會(huì)是一個(gè)性格開朗的人。下面由我為您整理的多篇英語笑話，以供您的閱讀。
Now We Run 現(xiàn)在我們跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一個(gè)牧師正沿著街走路，這時(shí)他看到街對(duì)面有個(gè)小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門鈴。但這個(gè)小孩太小了，門鈴又高，他夠不著。看到那個(gè)小男孩費(fèi)了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優(yōu)雅地穿過馬路，走到小家伙的背后，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問道：“接下來怎么辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說：“接下來我們跑?！?/p>
We Left Nothing 我們什么也沒留下
Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She
locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman
on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."
When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:
"THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"
布朗太太要外出一天。 她鎖好了房門，在門上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家里沒人，請(qǐng)不要留下任何東西!” 她當(dāng)天晚上回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)房間門被撞開，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被補(bǔ)充了一句：“謝謝!我們什么也沒留下!”
你以為你是誰?Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
“I am the driver.” he said.
公共汽車上很擠，當(dāng)又一個(gè)人還是試圖上車時(shí)，乘客們不讓他上。
“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰?”
“我是司機(jī)!”他說。
瘋?cè)嗽?The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪铮粋€(gè)病人說：“我是拿破侖!”另一個(gè)說：“你怎么知道?”第一個(gè)人說：“上帝對(duì)我說的!”一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)聲音從另一個(gè)房間傳來：“我沒說!”
我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告訴同事說：“我的家簡(jiǎn)直就象一個(gè)國(guó)家一樣。我妻子
是財(cái)政部長(zhǎng)。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長(zhǎng)，我女兒是外交秘書。”
“聽上去挺有意思的'，”他的同事說，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢?！?/p>
萬能的圣誕老人并非啥都知道
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
一個(gè)女孩爬到圣誕老人的膝蓋上，圣誕老人例行公事的問：“今年圣誕節(jié)你想要什么呢?”
孩子瞪大眼睛驚訝的望著圣誕老人一分鐘都沒講話，然后喘著氣說到：“你沒收到我的電子郵件嗎?(我想要什么都寫上面了，萬能的圣誕老人咋能不知道捏)”
Psychiatrist 精神病醫(yī)生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生?！搬t(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺的時(shí)候，我都感覺有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說，“每周來三次，我會(huì)治好你?！薄百M(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的?！苯苋鸫鸬?。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒來呢?”醫(yī)生問?！耙淮我话賶K錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了?！薄罢娴?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現(xiàn)在那沒人了!”
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在飯館里吃過晚飯，父親把服務(wù)生叫了過來。
”先生，什么事?“服務(wù)生問。
”我兒子的盤子里剩下許多肉，“父親說，”能給我們一個(gè)袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動(dòng)地叫喊著?！痹奂茵B(yǎng)狗了嗎?“
腦移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。
“你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你?！贬t(yī)生告訴病人，“一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問。
醫(yī)生說：“不是好一些，只是沒有用過?！?/p>
優(yōu)質(zhì)英語培訓(xùn)問答知識(shí)庫(kù)
