英語笑話（一） Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea? A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys. 猴子會和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能會直接的想到它們倆是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以長跳蚤，而跳蚤身上卻不能有猴子。這個答案很有意思吧？ Q: How can you most irritate a farmer? A: By treading on his corn? 如果你踩了農(nóng)夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定會生氣的；而如果你踩了農(nóng)夫腳底的雞眼，他會更生氣。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“雞眼”的意思。 Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world? A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因為snail（蝸牛）的后背上總是背著一所房子，所以說蝸牛是世界上最強壯的生物是不足為奇的。你說呢？ Q: What do people do in a clock factory? A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces這個短語，你可千萬別以為是在鐘表廠工作的人整天都做鬼臉呀！因為除了這個意思以外，它還可以從字面上解釋為制造鐘面。 Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep? A: Keep him awake. 怎樣才能不讓夢游者（sleepwalker）夢游（walk in his sleep）呢？最簡單的方法就是不讓他睡覺。雖然這不是治療方法，但如果讓夢游者醒著呢，他的確就不會去夢游了。 英語笑話（二） He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do? -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一個大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000個人。 -- 他真是一個大人物。干什么的？ -- 墓地守墓人。 英語笑話（三） Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America." 它們是從美國直接帶來的 一位中國老婦人在美國看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的美元。在銀行柜臺，銀行職員認真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。 這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國直接帶來的?！?英語笑話（四）my little dog can't read Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog! Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers! Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read. 我的狗不識字 布朗夫人：哦， 親愛的，我把珍愛的小狗給丟了！ 史密斯夫人：可是你該在報紙上登廣告?。?布朗夫人：沒有用的，我的小狗不認識字。” 英語笑話（五）Bring me the winner -- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. -- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well, bring me the winner then. 給我那個打贏的吧 -- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一只爪。 -- 對不起，先生，這只肯定打過架了。 -- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。 英語笑話（六）The mean man's party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot." "Why use my elbow and foot?" "Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?" 吝嗇鬼請客 一個出了名的吝嗇鬼終于決定要請一次客了。他在向一個朋友解釋怎么找到他家時說：“你上到五樓，找中間那個門，然后用你的胳膊肘按門鈴。門開了之后，再用你的腳把門推開?！?“為什么要用我的肘和腳呢？” “你的雙手得拿禮物啊。天哪，你總不會空著手來吧？”吝嗇鬼回答。 英語笑話（七）Advice for "Kid" A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid." 忠告“年輕者” 這里想對將要退休者提一點忠告。如果你只有65歲的話， 千萬別進退休社區(qū)。因為那里人人都七八十歲或者八九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的干吧?！?英語笑話（八）Which woman? One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall. On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield." My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?" 哪一位女人？ 一天晚上我開著丈夫的車去購物，回來后發(fā)現(xiàn)車身沾滿灰塵，于是擦洗了一陣。當我終于走進屋里時大聲喊：“世界上最愛你的女人剛擦洗了你的車燈和擋風玻璃?！?我丈夫抬頭看了看，說：“媽媽來了？” 英語笑話（九）The doctor lives downstairs "Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs." 醫(yī)生住在樓下 “醫(yī)生”她沖進屋后大聲說道。 “我想讓你坦率地說我到底得了什么病。” 他從頭到腳打量打量她，然后大聲說：“太太，我有三件事要對你說。第一，您的體重需要減少大約50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口紅，您的美貌將會改變。第三，我是一位畫家——醫(yī)生住在樓下。” 英語笑話（十）One Engine Left A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult." Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late." At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!" 只剩一個引擎 一架747客機正在跨越大西洋時，喇叭里傳來了機長的聲音：“旅客們請注意，我們的四個引擎中有一個丟失了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。只是我們要因此晚到一小時 ?！?過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到機長的聲音：“各位，你們猜怎么啦 ？我們剛又掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了。只有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了?！?正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說：“看在上帝的份上，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們就要整夜都要呆在天上了。” 回答者：lovemydream - 高級經(jīng)理 七級 7-5 10:08 提問者對于答案的評價： 嘻嘻 評價已經(jīng)被關閉 目前有 8 個人評價 好 50% （4） 不好 50% （4） 對最佳答案的評論 GOOD! 評論者： YABNV - 魔法學徒 一級 其他回答共 2 條 Logic Reasoning 邏輯推理 A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?" 邏輯推理 小學四年級的教師正在給學生們上一堂邏輯課。她舉了這么一個例子：“有這樣一種情況，一個男人在河中心的船上釣魚，突然失去重心掉進了水里。于是他開始掙扎并喊救命。他的妻子聽到了他的喊聲，知道他并不會游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。誰能告訴我這是為什么？” 一個女生舉手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？” [注]bank在英語中除了我們平時很熟悉的“銀行”之外，還有“河岸”的意思。 Have You Ceased Beating Your Wife？你停止打你老婆了嗎? This story is told of a browbeating counsel，who habitually endeavored to terrorize his opponent‘s witnesses． One witness rather tended to preface his replies with lengthy explanations． “I want‘yes’or‘no，’”thundered counsel．“There is no need for you to argue the point！” “But there are some questions which cannot be answered by‘yes’or‘no，’”mildly responded the witness． “There are not！” snapped the lawyer． “Oh，” said the witness，“answer this then：“Have you ceased beating your wife？” 這個故事講的是一個咄咄逼人的辯護律師，他慣于盡量去恐嚇對方的證人。 有一個證人有點傾向于在回答問題之前做冗長的解釋。 “我要你回答‘是’或者‘不是’，”辯護律師怒喝道： “你沒有必要就這個問題進行爭論?！?“可是有些問題無法用‘是’或者‘不是’來回答?！边@位證人溫和地回敬他。 “不存在這樣的問題！”律師厲聲打斷他。 “噢，”證人說：“那么請你回答這個問題：“你停止打你老婆了嗎？” Two Birds Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 兩只鳥 老師： 這兒有兩只鳥，一只是麻雀。誰能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀嗎？ 學生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老師：請說說看。 學生：燕子旁邊的就是麻雀，麻雀旁邊的就是燕子。 "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 魚網(wǎng) "你能告訴我魚網(wǎng)是什么做的嗎，安？" 老師發(fā)問道。 "把許多小孔用繩子栓在一起就成了魚網(wǎng)了。" 小女孩回答道。 昨天夜里我爸媽表演“混合雙打” Teacher of Physical Education: Have you ever seen mixed doubles，boys？ 體育老師：孩子們，你們見過男女混合雙打嗎？ Nick: Yes，sir. Quite of ten. I saw it even last night. 尼克：見過，老師，經(jīng)常見。就在昨天夜里我還見過呢！ Teacher: Please tell us some thing about it. 老師：那你給大家講講當時的情形吧。 Nick: Oh，sorry，sir. My father always says, "Domestic shame should not be published.” 尼克：啊，對不起，老師。我爸爸常說:“家丑不可外揚?！?/p>